Parenting Dilemma

During a zoom discussion this week with other Heads of School we were fortunate to have a guest, Dr. Michael Thompson, who wrote Raising Cain, a book that changed the educational view of how to work with adolescent boys. While the dialogue began with how we can support students during this time of social dissonance, we explored a wide range of topics. At one point Dr. Thompson stopped us all in our tracks when he asked whether we are trying to solve immediate problems or take on the dilemmas facing education today. 

He went on to explain that in his definition of the two terms, a problem has a solution, it can be fixed, whereas a dilemma forces choices between options which are often equally undesirable.  He went on to observe that, “with a dilemma there are built in circumstances and even when we take action we should not be surprised if we have to revisit, readjust, or completely revise our course.” When asked for an example we thought he was going to hone in on the dilemmas of the pandemic but instead he answered, “parenting.” More than ever the normal dilemmas of parenting are being forced into sharp focus with increased time together. 

Education and learning has been largely delegated to schools over the past century. Now parents are being faced with choices which are not easy and in some cases seem contradictory to our ideal, espoused values. I am sure many of us have been caught in the dilemma of “do as I say, not do as I do.” Yet our children are always watching us and learning in the process. Yet we should not feel guilty or distraught.

We have many teachable moments every day and we need to trust ourselves that we are role models - even when we make mistakes or are not our best selves. Our children are resilient and can be responsible. They can make their own fun. They are learning and they want to learn from you. I enjoin you to make the most of this moment, let them learn about you, learn about family, and learn how to make the most of any situation.